Battle of the Sexes
by M E Wofford
Summary: Ziva challenges something Tony says.
1. Chapter 1

This story is presently rated T but it may change to M before I get to the end of it.

I do not own NCIS or any part thereof.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 1

--The Challenge--

It had been going on all week. Started on Monday when Tony began bragging to McGee about his past conquests and how a couple of times he had taken on 2 girls at once and satisfied them both. Ziva had come into the room right at that moment and overheard him. She burst out laughing. Tony had been pissed. McGee just did his whole wide-eyed thing, which had only made her laugh the harder. Tony had demanded she tell him what the hell was so funny. Gibbs came in just then and they all pretended to be busy. However, Tony typed a fast and furious e-mail to Ziva.

"You mean you don't think I, the Big D, could satisfy 2 women at the same time? I am surprised at you, Ziva. Don't knock it til you try it."

She typed back.

"Don't get your boxers in a knot, Tony. I just mean NO man could satisfy 2 women at the same time. Just does not happen. Women have the more voracious sexual appetite and it takes longer to achieve orgasm. It is only a physiologic fact that one male can rarely satisfy even one woman at a time, much less two. It's just a male fantasy."

That was the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

There must be rules for every contest.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 2

--The Rules--

By Friday their difference of opinion had gone through several stages but now it had come down to the most basic premise of all - could a man ever truly satisfy a woman's sexual needs? Tony was adamant it could be done and, indeed, knew without a doubt that he'd done that very thing on so many occasions he'd lost count. Ziva was equally adamant that a woman, a normal healthy woman without the additional burdens of caring for a husband/full-time lover, children, a job, a house, and, oh yeah, everything else her chosen mate didn't want to be bothered with, much like herself, would drain the man if the lovemaking continued any considerable amount of time say longer than an hour, and leave the male lying limp and unresponsive perhaps even whimpering while she was still ready, willing and able.

Since this particular conversation was spoken not e-mailed while Gibbs was in MTAC of course McGee chimed in with statistics about the phenomenal sale of vibrators in the US. Tony shot him an evil glare.

"You do know, McGee, those aren't all bought by and for women, right?" he said.

McGee blushed.

Tony walked over to Ziva's desk and bent over bringing his face close to her's. She was a damned stubborn woman. Ziva got up out of her chair and brought her face close enough they could have kissed. They stood eyeball to eyeball for a second and then Tony said, ""Women just make everything more complicated than it has to be. We need to settle this once and for all," he said.

"I agree," said Ziva.

"You agree to what?" asked Gibbs coming down the stairs.

"Nothing important," said Ziva sitting quickly and turning back to her computer.

Gibbs quirked his eyebrow at her and then at Tony, who had made it back to his desk in record time and was also now typing and looking at his computer screen, Mr. Innocent Senior Field Agent. McGee just looked confused and innocent, as usual. Gibbs thought he might have to get McGee alone sometime soon and see what the hell was going on with Tony and Ziva. They'd been sniping at each other all week and often stopped talking as soon as they saw him. Of course, that was nothing new, either. He just wished they'd go ahead and fuck each other's brains out so they could get past it and concentrate on work again. If they started getting involved beyond the sex THEN he would invoke rule 12.

Tony typed to Ziva. "I'm ready to put this to test, are you? And I'm willing to put my money where my mouth, er…and other parts are?

"What do you mean, Tony?"

"I mean, I bet you a hundred bucks and a month of doing all the paperwork that I'd leave you totally sexually satisfied and I'll still be performing at top form."

"It will never happen, Tony," she typed back.

"Afraid, Ms. Mossad Officer?"

Ziva frowned at him not looking as she typed, "Mp"

Tony looked at his screened and responded, "What?"

Ziva looked confused for a minute and then said something that had to be a Hebrew curse and bashed her keyboard. Then she typed again.

"Sorry, my fingers were on the wrong keys. I meant 'No!' You really want to make this happen, Tony? Remember rule 12? What would Gibbs say?"

"That's dating. This is a genuine, bona fide wager between working buddies."

Ziva looked at him intently for a moment and then typed "A wager?"

"Yeah! A wager!"

"I accept," she typed back. "When and where?"

"This weekend, 24 hours straight, my place."

Ziva shook her head no and typed, "No. Neutral ground. A hotel. A nice hotel."

"Split the costs of the room and food?"

"Yes," she typed back at him.

Tony nodded, looked her way and smiled at her, baring all his teeth. She smiled back, her eyes going all Mossad on him. Tony shivered the tiniest shiver but wasn't quite sure if he was afraid or excited or maybe both. But he had the greatest confidence in his lovemaking skills. He'd show her what a real man could do on the sexual battlefield. That was his real area of expertise. He ruled.

Ziva started typing furiously. "We need rules."

"Rules?"

"Yes, Tony, rules."

She thought for a few seconds and then typed again.

"No sexual toys. No sexual stimulants except for naturally occurring ones like oysters. Nothing that will leave permanent marks or scars. And the last one able to initiate real sexual contact the other cannot follow through with in any acceptable fashion is the winner. This will occur within one 24 hour time period. AGREED?"

He read his screen. He didn't feel too comfortable with the "marks and scars" rule. What exactly did she have in mind? He rubbed his jaw consideringly and then looked over at her. She just smiled at him, her big brown eyes sparkling and mischievous.

"No recovery time?" he typed.

Ziva laughed as she read his e-mail and then typed her response.

"OK, Tony. Every hour we will take a 10-minute break. And every 4 hours we will eat and drink. NOW do you agree?

"AGREED."

Together they chose a hotel, the Embassy Suites in downtown D.C.; an executive suite with a king-size bed and kitchenette. Tony was to bring the wine and other liquid refreshments. Ziva was to bring snacks and energy bars. It was also decided to get the room for 2 nights, since check-in time was 3 p.m. and to go the full 24-hour period they'd have to stay past check out. The winner would get to stay in the room the second night by his or herself and recuperate in style. Tony made the reservation in his name and they agreed to meet in the lobby of the hotel on the next day, Saturday, at 3:30.

As they left the office they shook hands then each of them handed Tim a hundred dollars to hold for them until Monday. Tony got on the elevator with Ziva and looked back at McGee where he still stood at his desk looking after them, the money clutched in his hand. Tony winked at him and gave a thumbs up signal. McGee vaguely waved back, his eyes on Gibbs who was headed his way.

As the door closed Tony looked over at Ziva and said, "You're going down, Ms. David."

She smiled her Ziva superior smile and said, "I fully intend to, Mr. DiNozzo." Then she licked her lips. Tony shivered again.


	3. Chapter 3

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Introductions.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 3

--The Contenders--

_In the blue trunks, ladies and gentleman, Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo - the Italian Stallion, Spanky and Little Hairy Butt…a true heavyweight in the lovemaking world. Tall, well built, he's got it all. A hairy chest, a tight ass and a big dick not to mention movie star good looks with a shit-eating grin that doesn't stop. He's the man the ladies all want and the man the men all wish they were. _

Tony stepped out of the shower, toweling himself dry. He was feeling a little uneasy about this whole thing with Ziva. He wiped the steam from the mirror over the sink and looked at himself. He liked Ziva. She was a special person. And she sure as hell was hotter than the 4th of July. Little Tony stretched a little at that thought. Down boy, thought Tony. Soon enough. He'd been anticipating this for months and now it was really going to happen. Ziva and him making the wild thang…yeah! But he didn't want things to change between them after they had sex. Usually sex changed things. When you had sex with a woman then she started wanting other things from you. Even if she said she didn't, she did. All women seemed to want Prince Charming to come and rescue them from whatever and keep them safe in a castle with lots of charge cards. Or maybe it was just American women. He'd had almost exclusively American women.

Ziva was not an American woman. She was Israeli and a Mossad operative. She was also an entirely edible person of the female persuasion and he meant to taste all of her tonight. And it was good, he thought, that she could protect herself with only a paperclip as a weapon. She didn't need a Prince Charming to rescue her. All too often she was the rescuer. He remembered her kicking the guy in the nuts after they'd gotten out of the container that time. Hell, the guy'd had to go to the hospital. They'd said his nut sack had swollen 3 times its normal size and turned totally black. Must have looked like a frickin' bowling ball!

Whoa, stop thinking about that. Little Tony would refuse to come out and play. Note to self, do not think about Ziva's ball busting capabilities.

Hold on, DiNozzo, he told himself. Think about what you're doing. This is to prove to one stubborn woman that the male is definitely the superior warrior on the battlefield of love. You will be upholding the honor of men everywhere. You can't think about getting your balls busted. It's got to be easy. She's no different than any other woman in that regard.

Tony smiled at his reflection and stuck his tongue out making it move from side to side and then up and down. Oh, yeah. Ziva would fall like so many other females and the Great DiNozzo would remain undefeated in his never ending battle to bring pleasure to as many women as possible in one man's lifetime.

He fluffed his chest hair, finished drying off and dressed in his best suit.

_In the pink panties, ladies and gentlemen, it's Ziva David – Mossad Assassin extraordinare, Crazy Ninja Chick, and Sweetcheeks. Perhaps the most dangerous woman in the world. She's deadly with paperclips and other office equipment but her most potent weapons are her sensual dark beauty, her high firm tits and her most amazing ass. She's smart and sassy and never gives an inch. She carries a loaded gun and a knife and uses them willingly. She's looking to bring down the champ and the odds seem to be in her favor. _

Ziva was sorry she'd ever gotten into this urinating match with Tony. They were good partners together. She respected him even when he made her crazy with his juvenile behavior. She genuinely liked him too. More than liked him maybe. She'd wanted him ever since she'd met him and the weekend when they were undercover together had only made it worse. She didn't really like her feelings for her coworker so she tried to ignore them. But she did know she didn't want anything in their work relationship to change after this weekend. If it did, Gibbs would literally kill them.

What had possessed her to say she would ever be in this stupid contest? She knew how men were. Once they'd sex with you they seemed to think they owned you. Or else they threw you aside, conquest achieved, and moved on to the next woman. They never seemed to think that a woman might enjoy just plain old sex as much as they did, especially if it was done right. Ziva had great hopes that Tony would do it right. He talked a good talk. When he gave her those intense gazes sometimes she could feel her nipples harden in response. When he accidentally touched her she'd feel the heat at the contact point for long minutes afterward.

Enough of that. She was going to enjoy this weekend. She stepped under the shower and took out her favorite soap, the one that made her smell like sweet musk. As she began to soap her body she thought of how she'd show Mr. DiNozzo which sex ruled the bedroom and enjoy herself while doing so. She licked the water off her lips and thought of some of the things she planned to do to her partner, Mr. Macho. He'd like them at first but then he'd beg her to stop. She had no doubt who would win this battle. Women always won.

She thought she might wear the turquoise dress to the hotel. It was sexy yet not overtly ho-ish. Was that the right word? She'd better bring along something along to wear into work on Monday too since she had no intention of losing this contest and would get to spend the second night in the luxury suite. She smiled and held her face up to the warm stream of water.


	4. Chapter 4

They meet, they greet and they get a drink?

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 4

-The Weigh In-

Tony sat on the upholstered chair in the lobby of the Embassy Suites Hotel. He had already checked in and put his stuff up in the room. Nice room. Bed was very comfy. He'd tried bouncing up and down on it a few times to make sure. He looked at his nails. He nibbled the corner of one of them that looked a little rough. He straightened his tie. He checked his watch. 3:30. Where was she? Surely if she'd chickened out she would call. He felt his stomach clench at that thought. Did he want her to chicken out? Where the hell did that thought come from?

Shaking his head, he pulled out his cell to call and then he saw her come in the revolving doors. He held the phone halfway to his ear, forgetting to disconnect. She had her dark hair up in some kind of twist thing leaving her long, slender neck exposed. Her dress was turquoise blue, low cut at the chest and tight across the hips. She had on very high heels, black and stiletto. He noticed other men in the lobby looking at her. She seemed to be posed there so everyone could see just how perfect she was. Then he realized she was digging in her bag for her phone. He saw her put it to her head and he heard her say "David" faintly as he belatedly brought his phone up all the way.

Ziva had stood outside the hotel for long minutes before getting the courage to walk in. What was wrong with her? She'd faced physical torture with less trepidation than she was feeling right this minute. It was just a stupid contest, she thought. The sex ought to be great and truly it had been quite a while since she'd had sex, great or not. She set her jaw, resolved to enjoy coming events and walked through the revolving doors. Tony didn't know what was about to hit him. Ziva David never could stand to lose to a man, at anything, at anytime.

The minute she got into the lobby her phone started ringing. She set her overnight bag down and began to dig through the tiny black purse she carried. Dammit. She missed her backpack. She finally got the phone out and flipped it open. She said "David" into without even seeing who was calling.

Then she saw him sitting in a chair about 15 feet away from her. He had his phone open, held about 6 inches away from his ear. He had a strange look on his face. It reminded her of the way he looked when she got to drive; a little exhilarated and a little frightened and maybe a little sick to his stomach, all at the same time. But then he stood up and held his hand out to her and she just stood and admired him for a moment.

He truly was a gorgeous man. She'd seen a couple of pictures of him in his college days but he'd been a pretty boy back then. Now he was definitely a man. His blue eyes looked her up and down and she was glad she'd worn the dress. She'd hesitated but decided it was a special occasion and so why not dress for it? She noted he was wearing his Firado suit, his favorite.

He smiled that smile at her. The one that made women from 18 to 80 fall all over themselves vying for his attention. She smiled back; she couldn't help herself. He came over and took her arm, picking up her overnight bag from the floor.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Ready," she said.

And he led her to the elevator.

# # #

He opened the door of the room for her. They'd both been silent on the elevator keeping a well defined space between them. She walked in ahead of him and then casually toured the living area of the suite. Dark leather and teakwood furniture with red and cream colored accessories. A large flat screen TV in a beautiful teak cabinet with intricate geometric designs on the doors. A wet bar with a small kitchenette attached with a full refrigerator. She ran her fingers over the marble top of the bar. Then she walked into the bedroom.

He followed her in. She bent over the bed and pushed on it.

"Soft," she said, and smiled at him.

She held out her hand to him. He stood there. He wasn't sure what she wanted. She wriggled her fingers at him and pointed to her bag he still held.

"Oh, yeah," he smiled, and walked over to the bed handing her the bag as he got within easy reach.

"Toda, Tony."

She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Tony looked at the bathroom door and then he looked at the bed. Wow, he thought. Wow. He went back out into the living area and found the remote, turned on the TV.

Closing the door behind her, Ziva leaned back against it and looked around the spacious bath. Gray marble tops with streaks of white and gold covered the double vanities. A huge walk-in tub with lots of big, soft-looking towels and jet spray nozzles. She saw Tony had already put out his toiletries by one of the sinks. She laughed softly as she saw they used the same hair styling mousse. She walked to the other sink and started unloading her bag. As she set her brush out she felt the cold marble touch the side of her hand and suddenly had a vision of Tony picking up her naked body and setting it down on that cold marble and laughing as she gasped at the icy feel of it …

Stop it, Ziva, she thought. That may not happen. You don't know what's going to happen. She looked at her face in the mirror. She seemed a little pale. She pinched her cheeks and wet her lips and left the bathroom.

Tony was on the couch watching a movie, of course. He patted the couch next to him. She took her bag to the kitchenette and emptied out energy bars, apples and a packet of microwaveable popcorn. She rezipped the bag and set it down behind the bar. She walked around and opened the refrigerator. Three bottles of white wine and a 12-pack of water were all she saw. Tony called to her.

"Look, Ziva, it's a Mel Brooks film festival! This is BLAZING SADDLES and then after that it's YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. Great flicks."

She sat down beside him, crossing her legs carefully, smoothing her skirt. He was so childlike in his enthusiasm for movies. It sometimes drove her up and down the wall but it could also be very endearing. She tried to pay attention to the screen but she couldn't. She felt as jumpy as if she were about to go into a firefight. She began to jiggle her foot in time to the song the red-haired woman was singing.

"Always coming and going, and going and coming, and always too soon."

She heard a click. The TV went dark. Tony sat looking at the blank screen.

"Ziva," he stopped. She looked at him. He looked at her and then looked away.

"Ziva," he started again, turning toward her.

"Yes, Tony."

He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She couldn't help it. She stiffened up a little under his touch but then she put her face up to his for another kiss. She closed her eyes and waited. When no kiss was forthcoming she opened her eyes. Tony was just staring at her.

Tony felt awkward which was weird. He never felt awkward when making the first move. And Ziva had felt stiff when he'd touched her shoulders. Ziva who strode through life like a tigress on the prowl had felt stiff.

He looked at her eyes and made up his mind. Time to change up the plans for now. They both needed to loosen up if this was going to be as much fun as he thought it should be.

Ziva asked again, "What is it, Tony?"

"I'm not quite sure, I mean I don't…You know what? I think I need a drink. You wanna go down to the bar and have a drink with me, Ziva?"

She smiled. That was exactly what she wanted, a drink. She wanted a drink more than anything else right now.

She stood up and offered him her hand up.

"C'mon, Tony, you're buying the first round."


	5. Chapter 5

More foreplay but I enjoyed writing it so I hope you enjoy reading it. This was originally 2 chapters but I decided to combine them...hope it works.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 5

--Interlude One to Include Drinking and Eating—

When they got to the lobby Tony asked the concierge which bar, the hotel apparently had 4, he would recommend. The man was tall and slender with a very thin, dark mustache and a juicy lisp when he spoke.

"Yes sir, we have 4 bars and 2 restaurants here on the lobby floor. If you're looking for a quiet place for a drink I'd recommend the Lincoln Room near the west end of the lobby. And might I suggest that you try Trattoria's restaurant for your dining pleasure. Northern Italian food at its finest."

Every time the man pronounced the "ess" sound he released droplets of spittle. Tony kept blinking and easing his way back from the desk. Ziva was hard put not to giggle. At the end of the man's little spiel, Tony nodded and said "thanks."

As they walked away he brushed his coat sleeve over his face.

"Geez! I think I need a bath."

Ziva couldn't help it. She started giggling and as she did she made a snorting noise with her nose. She blushed but didn't stop giggling and Tony joined in, his big laugh echoing in the lobby. They walked into the Lincoln Room trying to regain control and wiping their eyes.

They went into the Lincoln Room, a dark, quiet place with several seating areas. They chose a high table near the bar. They ordered drinks, rum and tonic for Tony and mojito for Ziva. The waitress came and Tony admired the cleavage exposed in her open-throated white shirt as she bent towards them to take their orders. He couldn't help it, blame it on force of habit, but when she stood up he smiled at her. As the waitress left Ziva turned to Tony and said, "She is your type, yes? With the large breasts?"

Tony just stared and then said, "What?"

"The waitress - she is your type, the type you find sexually attractive because of her large breasts."

He didn't know quite what to say. Yes, he did find large breasts attractive. Yes, he had dated a lot of women with large breasts. But he found women with smaller breasts just as attractive. He opened his mouth to tell Ziva that and then thought better of it. He closed his mouth. Was this a trap? If he said he liked women with big breasts she would point out that hers were on the smallish side. If he said he liked small breasts just as much as the big ones she would probably be insulted. If he told her he liked small breasts better than large ones he'd be lying and she'd know it and would probably fracture his balls. He settled for smiling at her in what he hoped was an enigmatic yet agreeable manner.

Ziva couldn't understand why he didn't answer her question. It seemed simple enough. She knew most of the women he had dated, at least those she had seen, had been large chested. But she also knew he liked smaller breasts as well. He certainly looked at hers enough. He was still smiling at her. She just didn't understand men. They would not answer the simplest question honestly.

Tony felt relieved when the well-developed waitress brought their drinks and he could take a sip and stop smiling. Unfortunately, that sip went down the wrong way and he started coughing. Ziva began to pound him on the back.

"Ow, stop it…cough…Ziva, you're…cough cough...you're hurting me."

She kept her hand on his back as she leaned in close and asked if he was okay.

He nodded, wiping tears from his eyes. She grinned at him.

"You should not have swallowed the answer to my question, Tony. It got stuck. "

She struck him one more time on the back hard and she laughed.

He liked to hear her laugh but this was a bit aggravating right now. He used his bar napkin and wiped his eyes and mouth. He decided to take control of the situation. He lifted his glass to her, cleared his throat one last time and said, "A toast."

She nodded and lifted her glass as well.

"To sex," he said.

"To sex," she said and they touched glasses, making a little clink.

They each took a sip and looked at each other then looked away.

By the time they went into dinner they'd each had 2 more drinks and were feeling more relaxed. Tony kept Ziva laughing with his smart ass comments about everyone and everything around them. When they got their menus Tony turned out to be so knowledgeable about Northern Italian cooking that Ziva let him order for her too. The smells of garlic and onions in the restaurant were making both of them ravenous. They had a bottle of red wine to accompany the delicious, rich dinner Tony ordered for them. She had to give him credit; he had chosen wisely. They both laughed, a lot. Ziva thought she had never laughed so much. Certainly not for years. If nothing else, she would have the memory of the laughter from this night and could hold it close for remembering during the lonely times. When Tony wanted to order dessert Ziva had to stop him. She was more than full.

"Tony, I am more than full. I feel like a big fat earthworm about to split in half."

"Well, that was certainly an after dinner image I'll treasure for a long time, Ziva."

They both laughed again. Tony was beginning to suspect Ziva was a little tipsy. That was all to the good, right? He hadn't forgotten about the bet. He'd been having fun, lots of fun, but he remembered the bet. If Ziva was drunk she might make it a lot easier for him to play his regular easy game plan. He offered to buy her another drink but she refused.

He paid the bill (after accepting Ziva's portion under the table) and stood up.

"C'mon, Crazy Ninja Chick, let's go somewhere else and have some fun."

She looked up at him and for a second or two he just stared into her eyes. They really were the most astonishing eyes. Dark, bottomless, yet oh so warm brown eyes that seemed to pull him in. But she blinked and hiccuped and the moment was gone. He took her hand and helped her stand, with her 4-inch stilettos she was only an inch or so shorter than he was. They smiled at each other and then Tony leaned slightly toward her and almost pushed her over. He had lost his balance. Ziva pushed him back upright with a hand on his chest laughing. His chest felt warm under her hand. Strong. She thought maybe she could feel the slight roughness of the chest hair hidden by his clothes. She pulled her hand away.

Ziva thought Tony might just be a little drunk. He normally was not a clumsy man unless he was acting the fool. He reached over and took her hand and led her out of the restaurant.

The brighter lights in the lobby made them blink after the relative darkness of the restaurant. They heard music coming from in front of them, across the immaculate maroon carpet of the lobby. Tony kept hold of her hand and towed her along behind him toward the sound.

# # #

--Interlude 2 to include Singing Karaoke and Dancing to the Oldies--

A big sign welcomed them to "Karaoke Night at the Jefferson Room" and promised "prizes for the best singers." Tony pulled Ziva into the crowded room, literally. She wasn't at all sure she wanted to go into the noisy, hot bar but Tony pushed his way through never letting go of her hand. On the small stage there was a man singing into a microphone what sounded suspiciously like "Some Enchanted Evening." It was not a good rendition. Tony found an empty spot in a corner at the far side of the stage. He turned to her, his eyes alight with excitement.

"Can you sing?" he asked.

"What?"  
"Can you sing? I know I've heard you a little here and there but can you, you know, sing?"

Ziva just looked at him and then nodded. He hugged her excitedly and said, "Stay here, I'll be right back." He went off toward the man sitting in the DJ spot.

She looked around her. She liked nice quiet places where one could drink in quiet and carry on a quiet conversation. This was the antithesis of that place. People were jammed shoulder to shoulder. The stale air smelled of sweat and liquor, beer and so many different kinds of perfume and after shave that Ziva put her hand to her throat to help her swallow her dinner back down. She looked around for Tony. If he wasn't back in 5 minutes she was going up to the room. This was definitely not her kind of place.

Tony came up behind her and yelled, "Ziva!"

She jumped and turned toward him. He put a fresh drink in her hand.

He put his mouth close to her ear and said, "We're up 2 songs from now. You know how this works, right? There's a teleprompter scrolling the words and you just sing along. I hope you like Sonny and Cher."

Ziva frowned. "Sonny and Cher?"

Tony grinned, "Yeah, Sonny and Cher. America's favorite couple in the late 60s, early 70s. She was tall and skinny with long hair and he was short and scruffy with a big mustache. It was either Sonny and Cher or the Captain and Tennille. They didn't have much for couples singing together so I went with the lesser of 2 evils"

"I know who Sonny and Cher were, are, were, Tony. We're singing one of their songs?"

Tony's grin got even bigger. "Yeah!"

Ziva rolled her eyes.

Of course she knew who they'd been. One of the first audio tapes she'd ever owned had been a collection of their greatest hits. Her father had brought it back for her from a trip to Europe. She had played it and played it on her little Walkman until it had broken one day. She'd been so mad she'd thrown the tape player against the wall and been severely punished.

The singer with the Broadway aspirations had left the stage to weak applause. Now a heavyset man with a nice tenor began to sing "Danny Boy." Ziva thought he was doing quite well. Not hitting all the high notes but respectable enough.

"C'mon, we gotta get up to the stage. We're next."

And he pulled her along behind him again.

Ziva didn't want to sing. She wanted to go up to the room where it was quiet and think about what they were actually supposed to be doing in this fancy hotel. But Tony was so happy, so excited, she couldn't say no.

The singer finished his last "Danny Boy" to much greater applause than the last contestant. The announcer called their names. "And here, folks, are Tony and Ziva. Let's give them a big hand.  
There was a smattering of applause and then Tony pushed her up the 2 steps to the small stage. She blinked as the spotlight hit her. She saw the small screen and the words to the song Tony had chosen for them to sing. She smiled. She knew this song very well indeed. The music started.

"They say we're young and we don't know, we won't find out until we grow," Ziva sang in a throaty alto.

Tony looked surprised and then pleased. He sang the next part.

"Well, I don't know if all that's true cause you got me and baby, I got you. Babe."

Ziva was surprised at how well Tony sang. At work when he would serenade them with songs chosen mainly for their irritating qualities he never sounded this good. A nice light baritone, very smooth.

They joined together for the chorus.

"I got you babe, I got you babe."

They finished the song holding hands and singing to each other. The audience started applauding. Tony swung her around and then they bowed.

The DJ jumped on the stage and put his body between them.

"So what d'ya think, folks? Think Tony and Ziva won the last session for tonight? Yeah, c'mon, give 'em another hand."

The crowd applauded again and Tony made them bow again. Then the DJ led them off the stage. He handed Tony a 50 bill.

"Good work, kids. We pick 3 acts every Friday night as winners and then on the first Saturday of the month we have a showdown with a 500 prize. C'mon on back and try and win it. You got a good chance."

He moved off through the crowd and Ziva sighed. Now maybe they could go back to the room. She wondered what time it was. She was tired and her feet hurt. It must be late, she thought. Very late.

Tony grabbed her and hugged her tightly.

"We won, Ziva. Do you believe it? WE WON!!"

She couldn't help it, he made her laugh.

They squirmed and shoved their way out of the bar and into the relative emptiness that was the lobby. They made their way past the Roosevelt Room and then just as they passed the Wilson Room they heard more music. Tony stopped and then waved Ziva to follow him through the door.

She stood resolutely, arms crossed across her chest, not moving.

Tony came back to her. He stood close and said nothing, just looking at her. Ziva's fancy hairdo was coming down. A long tendril hung by her face and she kept trying to get it back in place. Her face was a little flushed now where it had been pale earlier this evening. She had a thin sheen of sweat on brow and upper lip and he thought she was beautiful. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"Please Ziva. Just for a few minutes. Then we'll go up, okay?

She saw he was still excited from their karaoke win. He was sweating, his tie was loosened and his suit jacket swung open. His hair stood on end and he looked like a little boy begging for another cookie. She couldn't resist. She nodded. He put his arm around her shoulders and guided her through the door.

This place was not so crowded. There was a small dance floor where 3 or 4 couples were dancing to a song Ziva didn't recognize.

"Wait here, Ziva, I'll get us another drink," Tony said.

She grabbed his arm.

"Not for me, Tony. Not now. "

He looked at her and smiled a little smile, not so manic. He touched her cheek gently.

"Okay, we'll go."

Then a new song started. It had a faster beat and sounded familiar.

Tony jerked his head up and flashed the killer grin.

"We'll go if you'll dance one dance with me, Ziva. One dance."

Ziva looked out at the dance floor, people were claiming a space. She looked at Tony. He had that puppy dog look. It wasn't as good as McGee's puppy dog look but he could work it pretty well.

She nodded and he led her out onto the floor.

As the music started he put his hand around her waist and pulled her close into his chest, her breasts crushed against his shirt front. He felt her nipples harden in contact with his chest and Little Tony stirred. Not now, he thought. NOT NOW, I'm dancing.

He swung her out and then back in. She followed his lead much better on the dance floor than she ever had on the job. She had a natural grace and obviously she had had dance training somewhere in the past. She was a delight to dance with.

Ziva had forgotten how much fun it was to dance with someone who really knew how. And she was surprised that she wasn't surprised to find Tony such a good dancer. He led off sure and strong and never left her hanging, always guiding her back into his arms. After a minute or two he started singing the words to her as they danced.

"Oh, girl, I've known you very well, I've seen you growing everyday, I never really looked before but now you take my breath away. More than a woman…"

He dipped her at the end of the song so that her head almost touched the floor. She was so surprised she grabbed him around the neck with both hands. He held her weight effortlessly and looked at her for a moment and then stood her back up. He hadn't realized how well the song fit Ziva until just now.

"Thanks for the dance, Ziva," he said.

"You are welcome, Tony."

They walked side by side off the dance floor and out of the Wilson Room.


	6. Chapter 6

BATTLES OF THE SEXES

Ah, I love the oldies. Here are the immortal words of K.C. and the Sunshine Band to start off the almost beginning of the first actual lovemaking chapter. Or is what they've been doing so far all part of it?

"_Do a little dance,_

_Make a_

_little love,_

_Get down tonight, get down tonight_"

BATTLES OF THE SEXES

Chapter 6

--The Battle of the Century Almost Begin--

When they got back to their room Ziva immediately went into the bathroom. Tony stood and looked after her and then went to the fridge behind the bar and took out one of the bottles of wine. He'd bought it with Ziva in mind. It was an Israeli wine – Golan Chardonnay. He'd hoped she'd be pleased. He opened one and poured some in a glass. He took a sip. It was good. Not too heavy. Something to end the night with. He looked toward the bedroom door again. Or begin the night with he thought with a smile.

In the bathroom Ziva had quickly stripped off her clothes and shoes, rubbing her feet. She should never have danced that dance. Her feet were throbbing. Damn the man, and it had to be a man, who had invented stiletto heels. But it had been fun and Tony surely knew how to dance. The way he had taken control and handled her so easily, it had actually turned her on. Enough, she thought, time to get in the shower. She gathered her necessary supplies and put them within easy reach then turned on the water. She sighed as she stood under the pulsating spray of water. She was so tired. To be honest, the thought of having sex right now really didn't excite her that much. She just wanted to stay in here until she melted.

Tony came and stood by the door, a second glass of wine in his hand. He knocked but got no answer. He could hear the shower running. He opened the door and peeked in. The room was full of steam. He tried to see Ziva but with the steam and the opaque shower curtain all he saw was a shadow. Probably just as well. He needed some down himself before he brought Little Tony out to play. He wanted to win the contest but he wanted to win it fair and square. They'd really already wasted so many hours. But it had been fun. The most fun he'd had in some time, in fact.

"Hey, Ziva, I'm leaving a glass of wine by the sink, okay?"

She stuck her head out of the curtain, "What?"

He pointed to the wine.

"Oh, thanks, Tony," she said and blew him a kiss.

He smiled and then walked out, closing the door behind him.

Ziva came out of the shower feeling almost back to normal. She was going to wrap a towel around her but found a drawer full of hotel robes, white and fluffy with "Embassy Suites" embroidered over the breast pocket. She slipped into one. Nice. Soft. Very warm. She wrapped her hair in a towel and grabbed a robe for Tony and her glass of wine before she left the room. She found him back in front of the television.

He looked up when she came back into the living area. She looked so young suddenly in a robe that was too big for her with her hair wrapped up but when she threw another robe at him and told him it was his turn to shower, that he was stinky, he knew she was HIS Ziva.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," he said and poured himself another glass of wine to take with him.

"I'm going to do something I don't usually do with women," he said. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows. "I'm going to let you have the remote while I clean up. Don't mistreat it." He threw it her way.

She caught it and then held it to her mouth and licked it from bottom to top, slowly.

"I'll try to treat it right while you're gone, Tony."

He couldn't move for a moment or two. Little Tony was stretching. He held the robe in front of him and said, "I'll be back soon. Don't hurt me, er...it please. It's still young." He smirked and went to shower.

Ziva turned off the TV. She decided she wanted to move into the bedroom. She needed to lie down while Tony bathed. She hoped there was a TV in there. God knows if Tony could survive even a few minutes without a TV for the down times. She giggled. "Down times." All the alcohol she'd drunk tonight was catching up with her. That was probably why she felt so damned tired. In the bedroom there was a cabinet that looked big enough to hold a TV. She turned on the shaded light beside the bed and opened the cabinet doors. Yes, there was another large TV inside. She could probably lie down for a few minutes before starting anything vigorous. Once things finally got started Tony wouldn't care about TV. She could practically guarantee it.

She went back out to the bar and got the open bottle of wine and her glass. She laid the remote she had licked down, grimacing, nasty, and then she turned off all but one light in the living area and went back into the bedroom. She set the wine on the table next to the lamp and picked up the remote to the TV in the bedroom and used it to turn on the television. She found another Mel Brooks movie, SPACEBALLS. One of the characters seemed to be called Vomit or something. She lay there and watched for a few minutes waiting for Tony to come out but she fell asleep.

Tony finished up, brushing his teeth and gargling just to be sure. Little Tony had remained semi playful during the entire shower. Hopefully, he would get some exercise when they got back to Ziva. He smiled at the mirror. What woman could resist such a stud? He flexed Little Tony. Oh yeah, he was raring to go.

He went out into the bedroom to find the TV on and Ziva sleeping on her tummy with her robe rucked up and her leg uncovered all the way up to her hip. The towel had come off her hair and the dark mass of it was spread out in ringlets around her, hiding part of her face. Little Tony jolted up in excitement, parting the robe he had put on. She looked so peaceful sleeping. He never got to see her looking so vulnerable at work. He thought he'd let her sleep for a few minutes. Then he and Little Tony could start winning this contest. Ziva would lose, of course, but she'd go down with a smile on her face.

He went around and sat down on the other side of the bed and as he sat down he heard a woman's voice say "Snotty beamed me twice last night and it was wonderful."

SPACEBALLS! He hadn't seen this in ages. He got into bed beside Ziva and put all of the bed pillows under his head propping himself up. Well, she didn't need any right now and it made watching the movie easier. Ziva murmured in her sleep and stretched out her leg even more, baring part of her buttock. Little Tony peeked out of the robe again and Tony carefully covered himself.

"Don't worry, Buddy, we'll wake her up in a few minutes in a way guaranteed to make her happy, and oh yeah, you and me very happy too."

He leaned over and moved some of the damp hair away from her face and kissed her cheek then lay back to watch Captain Lonestar and Barf rescue a Druish princess.

Within 5 minutes he was fast asleep.

Author's note: Just to let you know from now on the story will be M rated. So if you don't see any updated chapters please check under that rating. And thanks for all the anticipation for the upcoming chapters!

"_Get down, get down, get down, get down, get down tonight, baby!"_


	7. Chapter 7

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

This is it, Folks. The first round of the actual battle of the sexes. And since I'm still in an oldies mood I thought I'd start this out by quoting one of my favorite groups, The Pointer Sisters.

"_I want a man with a slow hand._

_I want a lover with an easy touch._

_I want somebody who will spend some time,_

_Not come and go in a heated rush…"_

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 8

--Finally, Round One--

Tony woke up feeling something wasn't quite right. He felt disoriented. Where the hell was he? Must have had too much to drink last night. And another thing, Little Tony was aching he was so freakin' hard. This was not a morning erection hardness; this was a bird dog spotting a quail and pointing hardness. He shifted a little and then he felt what had awakened Little Tony. Nestled into his groin was a warm, round butt. A female butt. A warm, round, NAKED female butt. Tony smiled a big, big smile.

Tony put his hand out and touched it, feeling the satiny skin. He rubbed it gently loving the firm warmth of it. He pushed Little Tony in as close as he could, feeling the head lodged between his stomach and the warm butt. His hand kept rubbing, exploring the roundness of the hip and down the upper part of the thigh.

Suddenly he heard a sigh and the leg he was rubbing on straightened out a little, turning the butt away from his groin but now his hand was free to explore new territory. He put his hand full on her hip; fingers splayed out and just left it there for a few moments. He was a veteran of many an early morning sneak attack and he knew it was best to let her get used to the feel of you gradually. He began to rub the hip up and down. Soft and slow. He worked his way over to the flat belly and still kept his hand moving. Soon his hand was down to the mons. Ah, she was clean shaven, whoever she was.

He put a little pressure behind his rubbing now. And the body beneath his hand was beginning to react. There were a few soft moans and her hips had begun to move a little, more or less in time with his rubbing.

He leaned over and started pressing kisses along her shoulder, working his way down to her breast, all the time keeping up his hand movement. Only now the fingers were grazing that tender little man in the box and her legs were spreading of their own accord.

He found the nipple of the breast closest to him and sucked it with a steady pressure. This time the moan he heard was louder and under her breath she said something in a foreign language.

OH SHIT! It was Ziva. He had his hand on Ziva's hoohah. Who was he kidding; he had his hand IN Ziva's hoohah. She was going to kill him!

Ziva woke up to a sensation of extreme warmth that started right below her belly and was spreading throughout her entire body. She felt an ache building inside her. She knew someone was in bed with her but what he was doing was so wonderful she just didn't care. She only knew she didn't want him to stop.

Him? It was Tony? Tony was sucking on her nipple and teasing her oh so expertly between her legs? Tony? Oh yes, it was Tony. It smelled like Tony and it felt like Tony and he was stopping. Why was he stopping?

Ziva sat half way up and grabbed his head where it lay on her chest bringing it up to her face.

"Tony, if you stop now I will kill you in an extremely slow and painful manner," and she kissed him as hard as she could then lay back down, pulling him down with her.

He was shocked at Ziva's words but when she kissed him he knew what to do. And he was happy to do it. After all he was protecting his life and getting an incredible boner at the same time.

He kept kissing her, exploring her mouth with his tongue and using his fingers to alternately tease her and enter her. She thrust her hips up to meet his fingers. He began to trail kisses down her body, stopping to nibble on each nipple then continuing downward, shifting his body as he went until he was even with her pelvis. He moved over in the big bed, lifting her thigh above his head, kissing the smooth inside of her leg all the way to where his fingers had been. He gently spread her nether lips apart and blew softly. She jerked. He began to lick her in a slow and tantalizing rhythm. Her hips jerked again and her hands came down to hold his head in place, urging him to lick faster. He pushed her hands away and kept up his expert tongue work with both of her thighs over his shoulders now.

Ziva thought she might go insane. It was a kind of torture. He kept up the same steady licking, licking, licking and she was so close. He wouldn't go any faster. Damn him. Every time she tried to touch his head to make him move faster he pushed her hands away or held them tight. Oh god, she couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand it.

Tony felt her orgasm start. Her thighs clenched his head tightly and she thrust herself up at him. She was simultaneously choking him and smothering him but he didn't care. Ziva was coming for him and it was one of the best feelings he'd ever had. He stopped licking and started sucking, a strong merciless pressure and knew it was what she wanted when she let out a scream that drew out into a sobbing breath. She kept his head prisoner for maybe half a minute and then her thighs relaxed and he could finally move.

Now it was his turn. He kept her legs over his shoulders as he got up on his knees and knelt between her legs. Little Tony was so tight with need he hoped he would hang in there for a few more minutes. Slowly he began to enter her, holding her hips, not letting her move away.

Ziva was still feeling tremors deep inside her when she saw Tony move up between her legs. She saw him position himself with his hand and then he began his entry. He was long and thick and he took his time and she caught her breath at the feel of him. She tried to thrust up, take all of him but she couldn't do it, not yet. He wouldn't let her. He kept easing himself in until he was all in. Filling her almost painfully but it was a good pain, a sweet pain. A pain she needed. He began a slow rhythm, in and out, in and out; all the way in and almost all the way out. She thrust back at him. It was like their dance in the bar again; only a more primitive dance, the original dance of human kind. She felt the burning begin once more in her belly.

Tony leaned forward to get a deeper angle, letting her legs fall to lie beside him. He wanted to kiss her. See her eyes in the bedside light. See her face this time. He picked up the pace as he kissed her. She pulled him to her. Holding him tight. Breathing hard. He increased his thrusts, harder and faster, and she kept up. She had her legs locked around his back now and he was finding it harder to move but that didn't matter. It would be over soon.

Ziva knew it would be soon. She was losing control of her rhythm. Just a little more, a little more. She heard him breathing faster. He held her tighter, bruising her maybe. She didn't care. Then he was back up on his knees holding her hips tight in his hands, not letting her move, bending her legs at the knees with his shoulders, exposing her. He thrust into her now as hard and fast as he could and she felt the fire explode.

Tony heard her orgasmic scream, only this time it was closer to a loud moan and that was his signal. He pushed once, twice and then let it go. His hips jerking, his fingers jerking; hell, his whole body jerking. He held her as he pushed deep inside her, grunting with the effort. He put his head down on her shoulder turning to kiss her neck and then more or less fell on top of her.

Ziva put her hands around him and hugged him close. They were both breathing hard. Tony rolled his upper body off her and put his hand on her face, turning her to look at him.

"Ziva?" he said breathlessly.

"Yes, Tony." Her eyes were closed.

"Nothing, I just wanted to say your name."

She looked at him and smiled, then kissed him gently on the lips. He moved the rest of the way off her and pulled her close, turning her back into their original spooning position. He kissed her neck. She played with the hair on his arm where he held her and kissed his hand. They were both almost asleep again when Tony said, "DiNozzo one, David zero," and chuckled.

Ziva's eyes opened wide and she moved to put some space between them. He just tightened his hold on her and said "night, Sweetcheeks," drifting off to sleep again.

When she was sure he was asleep, Ziva got stealthily out of bed and locked herself in the bathroom. She was so mad she wanted to hit something, anything. Sometimes Tony DiNozzo had the lousiest timing in the world and the biggest damned mouth. All he could think of was the stupid contest after making love to her like that.

Well, fine then. Just fine. Let the real contest begin and may the best woman win.

Author's note: Sometimes I just feel like Tony needs to have an automatic head slapper he carries with him at all times so he can slap himself if necessary when Gibbs isn't there to do it for him. Next chapter Ziva takes the lead.


	8. Chapter 8

I find I must apologize to you, readers. I have forgotten to include prophylactic protection for my two participations in this epic battle. And it's all me. I had it all set up to have them whip out a 12-pack of condoms apiece when they first got into the hotel room but that idea got misplaced (at my age an easy thing to do) and has never gotten back into the story. I am not addressing that lack in this chapter although I FULLY support males wearing little (or large) penile raincoats when having intercourse. I will try to address this problem in the next chapter.

I would like to thank all who have reviewed the story so far, as well. It is warming the cockles of my heart. Well, if a female can have cockles. I'd especially like to thank Elflordsmistess and Paper Hat. They have helped me so much!! And all of the excellent stories I have been reading have really inspired me.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 8

--Tony Finds Himself in a Bit of a Bind--

Ziva found the robes on the floor where they'd apparently kicked them off the bed during their lovemaking. Guess neither one of them liked sleeping in clothes. She was hoping Tony had worn a robe to bed. Ziva frowned. She didn't remember taking off her robe and she would bet Tony didn't either. She had to be more careful of her drinking in the future. She had awakened to a man making love to her and she had not known who he was. That was a new experience for her. She rubbed her head; she had a headache on top of everything else. She guessed she could blame that on the drinking too. Ziva David had totally lost control of herself last night.

She picked up the robes from the floor and held them to her chest, hugging them. Tony looked so happy in his sleep. He had a little smile as he snuggled up to a pillow. Damn the man. He couldn't just enjoy what they'd had. Always, always, he had to make it a competition or a joke. Well, it was time she took the upper hand in this stupid contest. She refused to lose just because she liked the big pug, bug, slug…whatever it was! She threw the robes back on the floor and looked around for something to throw. Then she stopped, looked at Tony again and then looked at the robes. She bent and picked one of them up and pulled it 3 or 4 different ways, testing the textile strength of the material. She grinned and then went to find her purse. What was Gibbs' favorite rule; never go anywhere without your knife?

When Tony woke up the second time he was a little disoriented. He knew he'd been asleep and he knew he'd had sex…with Ziva, right? Tony often had sex with women whose names he couldn't remember right away so this didn't much bother him. However, the headache he had did bother him. Too much booze last night; he'd been lucky he'd performed so well! Ah, thank god for Italian blood.

He wondered where Ziva was. She'd been spectacular and the way she'd wanted to control him at the beginning. He liked that in a woman. He liked a challenge. Where the hell was she? She hadn't left had she? He opened his eyes.

Ziva was sitting beside him, watching him. And she was still naked. Tony smiled and went to reach for her. He couldn't move his arms. What the…? Ziva distracted him by leaning over to kiss him softly right beside his lips then she trailed little kisses on down his neck and upper chest, her breasts rubbing against his shoulder and arm. Ziva sat up straight again and smiled her Mossad smile and Tony began to feel a teeny bit nervous.

He looked up. His hands were over his head, tied with pieces of what looked like one of the hotel robes. The makeshift rope went from his wrists up to a lighting fixture on the wall. He tried to move his legs but they seemed to be bound as well. He looked down but couldn't see them because Ziva blocked his view with her head and hair.

He laughed nervously.

"Ziva, what are you doing? Let me go, okay?"

Ziva just smiled and plucked a hair from near his right nipple. He winced.

"Ow, that hurts, Ziva. Quit it."

In response she plucked another one from near his left nipple.

"Ow. Dammit, Ziva! Stop it!"

He was beginning to get just a little mad. He opened his mouth again to yell at her but she leaned over and put her finger on his lips. .

"Shhh," she said. "It's going to be okay."

Ziva crawled over him and then laid down full length on top of him, pillowing her head on her hands. She was humming 'I got you babe.' And that made him nervous. Everywhere her body touched his it felt immediately several degrees warmer. In spite of his reservations, Little Tony was beginning to be interested. She kissed him again, softly and gently, stretched on top of him and then sat up, lifting herself off of him. He had to admit the view was interesting. Still humming she patted his cheek and then went into the bathroom.

In the bathroom Ziva put some of her bath gel in the ice bucket and then warm water, carefully making sure the temperature was neither too hot nor too cold. Then she took a couple of towels and her knife and came back into the bedroom with Tony. She set the ice bucket full of soapy water on the bedside table and lay her knife next to it where Tony couldn't see. She could tell he was really getting nervous. She looked down his body at his groin. Certainly not impressive now. She smiled and dipped a towel in the water.

"Ziva, this is fun and all but I don't really like it. Let me up please, Sweetcheeks."

He gave her the big baby blue-greens. She ignored him and went on humming. He was beginning to hate friggin' Sonny and Cher. She began to gently wipe his face, then his chest and armpits, working her way down, making sure to take extra care of Little Tony and his two pals, and then all the way down to his feet. After a bit he had to admit it felt really nice. The towel was warm and smelled good, smelled like her. He could get used to this. Ziva came back to the head of the bed and put her towel back in the ice bucket. The she turned to him with her knife in her hand.

"Ah, Ziva, Ziva, now think about this. What are you going to do? Ziva, don't do it. C'mon, Ziva. This joke has gone on too long. Ziva!! Tell me what I did to piss you off, at least!"

She sat down on his chest and put the knife blade next to his left nipple. It was doing her good to see Tony like this. Maybe she should take a picture with her cell phone and show it to McGee. He would surely enjoy the spectacle. She shook her head. No, no, probably not a good idea. McGee would tell Abby and Abby would tell Gibbs and then she and Tony would be dead.

She began to slowly to drag the sharp edge of her knife across his left chest, shaving him. He saw the hairs near his left nipple stack up on the blade. Ziva saw it too and wiped the blade on a towel she held in her other hand and came back and did another swipe.

She looked at him through the curtain of her hair as she bent over him.

"If you're very still, my lover, you won't feel a thing. And you'll like what I'm going to do after I'm finished."

Tony gulped and held his breath, praying she had a sure hand with shaving a man's body. That she was safe and controlled and didn't use the knife like she drove a car.

Ziva shaved around his left nipple and then she switched to his right nipple. It was actually kind of soothing once Tony got used to the idea that there was a naked woman on top of him with a sharp knife in her hand. She never made a wrong move. He barely even felt the knife. Just a light tickle sometimes. She shaved in the middle between the nipples. Then she used the towel again and wet his torso down to his thighs.

She looked down at him and winked then leaned over and sucked on his right nipple for a moment, then she bit it just hard enough to get a little yip out of him. She started again with the knife, going down over his sternum and on down to his belly button. She shaved the hair from around his navel and when it was smooth skin only she stuck her tongue in it. Tony jumped. Then she continued down to his genital area.

Tony was sweating. He could feel the cool steel of the knife now as it skirted around his penis. He began to remember all the times he had pissed Ziva off. Why hadn't he been nicer to her? Why had he said mean things? Surely after the way he'd satisfied her earlier she wouldn't do anything damaging to his manhood would she?

"Ziva." His voice was barely above a whisper. He cleared his throat.

"Ziva." That was a little better.

"Please be careful, honey. I don't have anything down there I can do without."

Ziva sat up, leaning back on her heels. She smiled that smile and then pushed herself off the bed. She laid the knife on the table and took up a dry towel now and rubbed his body free of any lingering loose hair.

"Now," she said. "Now I will show you why I did that. It's nicer without all the hair sometimes."

She began by kissing him long and lingeringly on the mouth. It was a great kiss. One of the best. Then she kissed him gently on his closed eyelids and on his nose and began to chew a little on one of his earlobes and stuck her tongue in his ear. He squirmed. It all felt good.

She shifted a little and began to suck his right nipple again. And her hand went down his body and gently cupped itself over Little Tony. She switched to the left nipple. Sucking and sometimes biting at it. He groaned. His erection began to fill her hand and she tightened her grip on it. She shifted in the bed and now she sat on him again, only facing away from him, toward his feet.

Ziva leaned over and watched her hand slowly massage Tony's penis. It was a thick one, she'd known that from their earlier session but it was also beautiful. She knew Tony might object to that word, or maybe not, but it was true. And like Tony himself, when it got excited its head turned red. She knew she really, really wanted to take him in her mouth and since that had been her plan all along she did.

She bent forward enough to take the tip in. She ran her tongue around it, poking at the sensitive opening. She licked her way down underneath the head and then on down the entire length of it. Then she put her head ever farther, stretching out on Tony as she did so, and took his testicles gently in her mouth, bringing them all the way in. She let them out slowly and then she burrowed deeper still and licked the skin beneath the scrotum.

He jerked his hips up and growled. She turned her head and looked back at him through her tumbled hair. His eyes were half closed and his mouth was open, he was taking in deep breaths.

Tony saw her look back at him through his half-open eyes. She looked like Eve must have looked when she tempted Adam what with her long dark hair covering half her face and hanging down her back almost to her ass. He wanted to touch her so damned bad but the perfect little bitch had tied him too tightly. He kept twisting his hands trying to loosen the cloth. Dammit, her ass was right there and she was in the perfect 69 position if he could just get loose. He just had to get loose.

Ziva moved, getting on her knees in a crouching position with her behind in the air and put two hands around Tony's penis. She lowered her mouth onto him and began to slowly move up and down with her hands clutching the base holding him steady as she worked. Every few minutes she'd bring her teeth into play hard enough to elicit a moan from Tony but not hard enough to leave a mark or she's reach down with one hand and squeeze his balls until he moaned. She had to be careful in her maneuvers. She didn't' really want to hurt him. Besides, it was taking almost all her concentration not to gag herself. He was very large. But his reaction was all she could hope for. She felt herself becoming excited as well and knew Tony could probably see the moistness of her sexual arousal as her butt went up and down not far from his face.

If only he could touch her. He saw that she was getting excited. Dammit! He pulled at his bonds again and suddenly he felt like he could move his right hand at least a little. He yanked again and again never mind that it hurt and that the wall seemed to be making cracking sounds. Then his right hand was free. He looked up and saw that he could easily remove his left hand from the binding as well. The poor lighting fixture was half out of the wall, however. He didn't fucking care and Ziva was so involved in her delicious torture of him that she didn't even notice. He grinned.

Oh yes, Ms. David, you are about to reap the rewards of your actions, Tony thought and in one move was sitting up behind her with his hands on her hips. Ziva let go of Little Tony and squealed and tried to turn around but he wouldn't let her. He put one hand on her back and pushed her forward again until her ass was up in the air once more. Then he put positioned himself at the area of maximum moisture and sat her back down on himself. She let out a big oof sound and then leaned back against him, sighing with pleasure.

He took a nipple in each hand and pulled and tugged them and encouraged her to ride him. She sat up straighter now, leaning forward a little and he could see the muscles in her thighs tense and loosen as she rode him. He took his hands from her breasts and held her in place while she moved up and down on him. He knew he wouldn't last very long after the big buildup up she'd forced on him so he moved his right hand down between her legs and began to rub her clitoris. It moved like a little ball bearing in oil, she was so wet. She began to move faster, trying to take more of him in and holding his hand in place between her legs.

She felt him come inside her. But he didn't stop his finger motion as he climaxed only hugged her tightly and just a beat or two after him she reached her release as well. She strained against him, moaning deep in her throat. Tony let her go and fell back against the bed; she fell forward over his thighs, trying to catch her breath.

She wanted nothing more than to put her head on his shoulder and bask in the afterglow but that wasn't how this game was played, was it, Tony? She got off of him and walked, shakily, into the bathroom and closed and locked the door.

Tony looked after her, still trying to catch his breath. What the hell? He sat up again and untied his ankles, using the torn cloth to wipe himself. What was up with her? He sat on the side of the bed and tried to figure out what was going on. Had he had done wrong? He'd only given her great orgasms right? Surely, he had done nothing wrong. But this was not the same Ziva he had cuddled just a short time before in the darkness. He couldn't think of anything he'd done though. WOMEN, he thought.

His stomach growled. Hey, maybe that was it. Maybe she was as hungry as he was. He picked up the bedside phone and called room service. They had just opened. He ordered 2 of almost everything on the menu with a large pot of coffee.

He got up off the couch and found his pants where he'd placed them last night, neatly folded over a chair. He put them on. Couldn't answer the door naked now could he? He just zipped them halfway though without buttoning them because he had to pee if she ever got out of the bathroom.

Ziva looked hard at herself in the mirrors strung along the wall behind the vanities. She could play the way Tony wanted to play. And beat him at his own game. But why did it have to be so hard? There were so few moments in her life where she felt a connection with someone she cared about, especially since becoming an adult. She thought she and Tony had come close to that earlier. Seems she had been mistaken. That whole losing control last night had just been a big mistake.

She stood doing nothing. She should shower and wash all trace of him off of her but she didn't want to just yet. She liked it that she smelled like she'd had sex with him. Even though he was a jerk, he was still her Tony.

Looking in the mirror again she laughed silently at herself. Yes, he was still Tony and he had turned the tables on her neatly enough when he escaped her makeshift bondage game. She should have brought handcuffs. If she had had handcuffs he never would have been able to free himself. Thinking back on the look on his face when she had started shaving him made her laugh out loud this time. She should have taken that picture.

She splashed her face and put on the remaining undamaged robe. Ziva David might be a lot of things but she was not quitter. She opened the door and went out. She was going to suggest he get a shower and brush his teeth if she was going to keep kissing him.


	9. Chapter 9

The chapter title explains it somewhat. And the IT he gets ain't sex. Also, I worked on the condom problem.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 9

--Tony finally gets it – Kind of--

Tony looked around for the TV remote. He needed to do something while waiting for his turn in the bathroom. He thought he remembered putting it on the bedside table but he couldn't find it. He shook all the bedclothes, no remote fell out. He even looked under the bed but since it was one of those hotel beds with a solid base all the way down he didn't find anything except one giant dust bunny. Well, crap. He'd just get the one from the living room then.

He walked into the other room and looked around for the second remote. At first he didn't spot it but after a few seconds saw it on the bar. He remembered Ziva licking it and chuckled. He went over to get it and looking down saw Ziva's bag stashed behind the bar. Tony looked over his shoulder toward the bedroom then picked up the bag and unzipped it. He just couldn't help himself.

The bag was empty. He snorted his disappointment. But wait, maybe it wasn't empty. It felt heavier on one side than the other. He open a zipper pocket that was on the outside of bag, felt around, pulling out what he'd found. When he saw the package he felt a little sick.

Ziva came out of the bathroom and looked for Tony. The bed was totally destroyed, the sheets and pillows tossed around the room. What had he been doing? She went on into the living area, making sure her robe was belted tightly. Tony was standing by the bar, holding her bag in his hand.

"Tony, what are you doing with my bag?" she asked.

He looked at her and silently pulled something out of her bag and showed it to her. It was a 12-pack of Pleasure Plus condoms. He held onto the condoms and walked past her into the bedroom. Finding his bag where he'd tossed when he'd first come in he opened it and pulled out a 12-pack of Kimono Extra Thin Large condoms.

"Together, Ziva, we had 24 condoms in this room and we did NOT use one of them. Not one of them!"

He threw the condoms on the dresser and walked back to her, putting his hands on her shoulders, squeezing.

"Please tell me you are on birth control."

Ziva started to laugh. It really wasn't funny but the pleading look on Tony's face was just too much.

Tony shook her, just a little.

"What so funny, Ziva? Do you or do you not use birth control of some kind besides rubbers?"

She pushed him away and went in to the living room, still laughing at him. She sat down on the couch and pulled her legs up beside her on the cushion, making sure the robe covered her body.

Tony came to stand over her. She looked up at him. He was wearing his suit pants, undone at the waist. The areas she had shaved were very obvious and she followed the path of naked skin with her eyes down to where his pants sat low, way down below his belly button. This struck her as funny too. She laughed even harder.

"Ziva, stop laughing. Answer me." He reached down and pulled her up to her knees on the couch so he could look her in the face. She smiled at him.

"Of course, I use another form of birth control, Tony. After all, I never know when I might need to use a different form of physical persuasion as a Mossad agent."

Tony's mouth hung open.

"The rubber things, those I use only for protection against the sexual diseases. I know that you have had many women, yes? And I wanted to be sure that I was protected. But I was not myself last night the first time and then later, when you were tied, we were not supposed to have intercourse."

"We weren't supposed to have inte…," Tony said before he was interrupted by a knock.

"Damn, Ziva," he said and left her kneeling on the couch while he went to answer the door.

It was room service with their breakfast. Tony signed off on the bill, making sure the kid got a good tip and had him roll the cart into the room by the couch. After closing the door behind the bellboy he came and stood by it, running his hand through his hair. He opened his mouth to say something but just then his stomach growled loudly. Ziva giggled. He looked at her and smiled.

"Let's eat."

Then he got a vacant look in his eyes and said, "On second thought, you eat. I gotta take care of something. I'll be right back."

He walked away and Ziva heard the bathroom door shut.

She stood and stepped over to the food cart. Tony had ordered a lot of food. He must be starving. She wasn't hungry, though. And the laughter was gone. Tony's reaction to them forgetting the rubbers had upset her a little. She was the one who should be upset. After all, if Tony was to be believed he slept with 2 or 3 different women every week. Maybe it wasn't the sexually transmitted diseases but the thought of her having a baby by him that had upset him. He should know better either way.

This whole weekend was turning into a disaster as far as she was concerned. Yes, they had had fun, so much fun, before returning to the hotel room last night. She would be forever thankful to him for that. And the sex, unprotected as it had been, was glorious. She would like to have more sex with him. But it wasn't worth it. She felt badly after each time. Sex - good, mutually agreed upon sex between people who liked each other was supposed to make you feel good afterwards. She made up her mind. When Tony came back she was going to tell him he'd won the awful, stupid contest.

Tony walked back into the room and saw Ziva standing by the food.

"Go ahead. Dig in. I got some of almost everything they had. I wasn't sure what you'd like."

He walked over and picked up a plate and started filling it with several pieces of bacon, a huge mound of scrambled eggs, 2 muffins, a couple of slices of cantaloupe, and a half an orange. He went and sat down on the couch and looked around for the remote. He saw it still lying on the bar.

"Hey, Ziva honey, toss me the remote will you?" he asked.

She crossed to the bar and picked up the remote but instead of tossing it she held it in her hands and came and sat down by Tony.

"I am going to resign from the contest, Tony."

He looked at her, his mouth full of muffin, "What?"

"You have won. The money is yours. You've upheld the honor of the male sex and defeated me. You were right. I was wrong. I will pack and go home. And I will pay you back for your share of the room, as well. I should never have agreed to this."

She made to get up off the couch and he grabbed her hand.

"Say what, Ziva? You're doing what?"

She looked at him and smiled.

"I am packing up and going home. You win. And," she looked away from him, "I want to thank you for the wonderful time I had last night at dinner and with the karaoke and the dancing. They will be memories that I will reasure. I don't believe I have ever laughed so much in my life."

She tried to free her hand. He didn't let go.

"I don't know what's going on, Ziva, but you're going to sit down here and talk to me about it before anyone leaves. We did have fun didn't we? And we had some incredible sex. What more do you want?"

He looked at her steadily and she saw she would have to tell him some of what was going on in her head before he would accept her decision. Either that or cripple him.

"If you wish, Tony. You eat and I will talk."

In response he put his plate on the coffee table in front of him and turned to face her, taking both of her hands in his.

"Talk to me, Ziva."

With Tony looking at her and holding her hands, she began to tell him. Tell him a little about her life in the Mossad. About how she rarely had built up a personal relationship with any of her fellow agents. About how the job was too tough and too many people died. How all too often sex for her had been either a job or a momentary escape from the horror that was her life most of the time. How when she did have a personal moment, a connection with someone, it became a precious memory.

And now there was Tony and he was her partner and she hoped, her friend. The sex had been very good, too good perhaps. And when she had wanted to settle in his arms and feel that emotional connection for just a bit longer he had said what he had said about the contest. His words had broken the connection and it had hurt.

She looked him in the eyes now.

"I know that wasn't how you meant it, Tony. You wouldn't hurt me on purpose. And then you were so upset about the rubber things, not wanting me to be pregnant. Why do you think I am so stupid? I am a modern woman. I understand birth control and diseases and the human body, probably much better than you."

She removed her right hand from his and patted his cheek.

"That's why I am going, partner. I think you should call one of your big-breasted women friends and keep using this lovely room until tomorrow."

She smiled at him and made to get up again. He still held her one hand and put his other over her hand where it still rested on his cheek. He took that hand and kissed it, then kept holding both her hands.

He looked her steadily in the eyes.

"I know that was really hard for you, Ziva, and I thank you for telling me. But as for you leaving, giving up on the contest, or me calling some other woman, no matter how big her tits are, that is the biggest pile of horse shit I have ever heard."

# # #

He pulled her closer and leaned into kiss her. Ziva held back. He gently tugged on her hands, bringing her closer to him. She kept her eyes open as he came close enough to touch her face and closed his eyes. She knew he was going to kiss her. Then his stomach growled again.

His eyes popped open and Ziva laughed, she couldn't help it. She laughed and laughed. Tony sat back and let go of her hands. He had a smile too.

"Hmmm, just let me eat a bite, okay, and we'll work this out."

He picked up the plate again and took a forkful of eggs and shoved them in his mouth then gestured at her with the fork to get a plate.

"It's good," he said.

Or tried to say. When he opened his mouth eggs fell out on his chest. He jerked up, his plate slipping forward and half of the rest of the food on his plate fell out on his lap and the floor. He let out a yell of frustration.

Zivawas rocked back by the strength of the laugh that burst from her. She couldn't control it. She laughed so hard that tears sprang from her eyes. Then a fistful of eggs hit her in the face.

Slowly wiping the eggs from her nose and cheeks she glared at Tony. He was laughing now and he threw a muffin at her. She jumped up from the couch and grabbed some eggs from the cart and threw them his way. They landed on top of his head. He shook them off and then lobbed a piece of melon at her after take a huge bite out of it. She threw a half a bagel at him. He picked up some strips of bacon and started to throw them but then thought better of it and stuffed all of them in his mouth at once, little bits sticking out and then disappearing as he chewed and swallowed swiftly.

Ziva took advantage of his momentary distraction to find another weapon. She saw a little bowl with a top on it. Uncovering it she saw oatmeal. She dipped her fingers in it, making a ball and then flung it at him. "Hah!" she yelled as she threw it. He ducked but not quite soon enough, the oatmeal ball streaked across his hair, leaving bits of oat behind.

He charged her and she ran around to the other side of the cart, keeping it between them. He tried to go round the cart, she went the other way. He tried to go round again and she pushed the cart at him, and squealed when he grabbed it and pushed back. She threw more oatmeal at him.

Tony grabbed a half a grapefruit from the cart and reached out and tried to smush it in her face. "For Jimmy Cagney," he yelled. She said "merde" and ducked and pushed the cart toward him again, catching him in the gut. He roared out his challenge and tried to leap over the table but only succeeded in tilting it too far to one side and everything on it went rolling, bouncing, squishing, or oozing across the carpet.

They both stood in silence, awed by the horrible mess they had made and then Tony made a lunge and caught her around the waist and pulled her close into his body, her back to his front. He thought that might be a little safer position for him. She surprised him by laughing one more and he laughed too and hugged her tightly to him.

"This is going to cost us a fortune, you know that, right Tony?" she asked, leaning back into his hug, still giving way to little spasms of giggles.

"Yeah," he said. And he thought no matter how much it cost it was worth it to have her relaxed and giggling, building up that "connection memory" for her. He hugged her tight again then turned her around to face him.

Her robe had loosened during their shenanigans and now a strip of her chest was exposed down to her waist. He felt Little Tony perk up.

She saw where his eyes were and felt her nipples respond, hardening in an instant. She felt his penis lengthen and thicken against her belly where she was pressed against him.

He reached over and picked a piece of egg off her nose, eating it.

"You're not leaving?" he asked.

She removed some bits of oatmeal from his hair and shook her head no.

They both smiled.

"C'mon, Sweetcheeks, let's get cleaned up!"

Arms around each other they went into the bathroom together.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry, it has taken a couple of days to get this going. I kind of lost track what with the season finale and all. The story will probably have 1 more chapter...

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 10

--The Connection--

Tony followed Ziva into the bathroom. She went over and turned on the shower, testing the temperature of the water with her hands. He was waiting for her to take off the robe, he loved a good strip tease, but then he happened to glance at himself in the mirrors. He got closer. He put his hand on his chest.

"Ziva," he said in a low, ominous voice.

She turned his way. He pointed to the hairless skin in a rough T-shape that marked around his nipples and on down to below his belly button. She put a hand over her mouth and tried to stifle her laugh.

"ZIVA! This is not funny. I look like some kind of funky caveman! I'm not going to be able to take off my shirt for weeks."

She came over and put her arms around his neck, rubbing her body against him.

"I think it's very sexy, especially as you get lower down…"

She reached up and pulled some oatmeal out of his hair and flung it at the waste basket nearby.

"C'mon, let's take a shower and get clean."

Tony hugged her tight. Her warm body against him felt so good.

"You go ahead, Sweetcheeks, I want to brush my teeth first."

She smiled.

"Thanks. I was going to mention that."

He laughed, turned her around to the shower and swatted her gently on the rump. She gave him an evil glance and then walked back to the shower. Without glancing his way she slowly let the robe fall from her shoulders down to the floor, giving him a good look. Then she smacked herself on the right buttock, leaving a beginning red mark and laughed as she got under the water.

Tony whistled tunelessly. Wow.

He brushed his teeth hurriedly and took his pants off. He thought they were probably ruined but he didn't give a damn. He walked over to the shower with Little Tony pointing the way.

Ziva was washing her hair as he got in behind her. He grinned. He put his hands up and began massaging the shampoo into her hair as well. After a moment she stopped and let her hands fall to her sides, leaving him to continue the task. He leaned into her back, poking her with his erection. She rubbed her butt against him. He quit washing her hair and moved his hands down her front, rubbing the slick soapy bubbles over her breasts, teasing her firm nipples with his thumbs. She reached back behind and put her arms around his neck, pulling his face down beside hers.

The water was warm as it rained down on them. When he kissed her neck under the ear and sucked the soft skin there the shampoo-flavored water got in his mouth. Even her shampoo tasted good, he thought.

Ziva felt like her heart was beating in time to the pulsations of the shower head. Tony's hands on her breasts were making her arch her back in pleasure. She wanted to kiss him but he wouldn't let her turn around. Then his right hand moved down over her belly and his fingers slipped between her legs, unerringly finding her clitoris and he began rubbing it while at the time using his left hand to tug and pinch her left nipple and continuing to kiss and suck the sensitive skin beneath her right ear. He breathed her name "Ziva" low and breathy in her ear and she shivered. His voice made her buck against his fingers. God, it brought chills down her spine even though the warm water still beat down on her.

Tony grinned as he felt her tense. He knew she was about to reach orgasm again. She was very easy to read in that respect if no other. He moved his fingers a little faster and as he felt her knees give way slightly held her up with his left arm below her breasts and moved his right hand down even further and inserted two fingers inside her, ramming them in as far and as fast as he could. He held onto her tightly as she screamed out his name.

The water continued to come down on Ziva as Tony held her close. She closed her eyes and let it beat over her face and body. She felt boneless and yet invigorated. She finally put her feet solidly back down on the porcelain of the tub and turned to face Tony. She wanted to kiss him.

The kiss was so sweet after the intense passion she had just felt. Tony's lips were soft and yielding and she felt like she couldn't get enough of them. She wanted to never stop kissing him. She held his head between her hands and tried to pour out with her lips and tongue how she felt.

Tony held her close. She was slippery and smooth and oh so alive in his arms. He kissed her as she kissed him, no holds barred. Emotions exposed. The kiss went on and on. Tony thought it might be like that 3-day kiss Kevin Costner talked about in "Bull Durham." He never wanted it to end.

But end it did when suddenly the hot water ended and they were both standing under a cold shower. Tony groaned as Ziva jumped out of the tube. So much for shower sex. Damn. His timing was totally off. As he came to stand by Ziva, wanting to touch her again, she put her hands around his neck and began kissing him pickin up where they'd left off but this time she didn't stop at his mouth. She began to kiss her way down his body, following the trail she had forged earlier with the knife. She sucked and licked and kissed him in all the hairless places. And then she was on her knees in front of him, holding him and putting him in her mouth and he put his hands in her hair, holding it back out of the way, because he wanted to see her face as she worked on him.

Ziva knew what she wanted. She wanted Tony to feel good. She wanted him to have a mind-numbing orgasm and not be able to stand up by himself either. She wanted him to feel as good as she did. She put her hands around his hips, pulling him even closer, kneading her fingers in his buttocks. He was getting close, she knew. His hands in her hair were moving her head back and forth to his pace now.

Suddenly he pulled away from her, taking her hands away from his hips.

"No," he said hoarsely.

Ziva was confused. Had she done something wrong?

But Tony stood her up by him and then turned to the sink vanity and swept all of his toiletries onto the floor. In one swift move he put both his hands around her waist and picked up her and sat her naked on the marble. It was so cold she gasped.

He didn't know where it had come from but suddenly a vision of sitting Ziva's naked on the marble and hearing her gasp at the cold was so real, he had to do it. He had to have her on the marble. When he had sat her down and she'd made the sound he'd imagined it had almost made him lose control. But he was back in command of himself.

She was sitting on the edge of the counter, the marble warming a little now to the touch of her skin. When he came to her she looked at him and then put her arms around his neck. His eyes were hooded and he looked like the rampant male personified, beautiful as the statue of an ancient Greek god. She didn't have the slightest urge to laugh at his shaven parts now.

He put her legs up and around his waist and with no preliminaries he shoved his way in, adjusting her body position to suit him. Then he began. She was tight around him and her hot, moist flesh seemed to try to hold him inside her, her vaginal muscles making little jumps around him. He pushed her upper body back toward the mirror and then he put his hands on the mirror to either side of her head, giving him leverage to take the deep, hard strokes he favored. He looked at himself and Ziva as he made love to her. She had her head thrown back and her eyes were closed. Her dark brown nipples were like pencil erasers in her excitement; hard little knots that he wanted to suck but he didn't want to stop his rhythm. Her thigh muscles were tight as she grasped him around the waist; her feet crossed over his butt holding him inside her.

Ziva knew she was going to have another orgasm. And she knew Tony wasn't ready. She tried to hold back but Tony kept pounding into her, over and over again and before she knew it she was screaming out her passion. Grasping him and pulling him to her. He let her hold him a moment then he went back to his hard rhythm but now he kissed her and his head was lowered as he began to speed up.

Tony knew he was heading into the home stretch but he thought he could hold it til he made Ziva come one more time. And then, after they were done, he was going to drag her shapely ass back into the bedroom and make her snuggle with him. He went even faster. A frenzy of strokes and then Ziva screamed for him again and he felt the sides of her passage gripping him, milking him and he let go.

He leaned forward on his elbows now and gave into his desire to kiss her nipples in between trying to get in enough air. He sucked them and bit them as she kept quivering around him while his erection went down.

Ziva let her legs fall from his body and hang limply over the side of the sink. She closed her eyes. Caught her breath. She tried to stand up but he was still leaning over her. He brought his head up and kissed her slowly and surely and she opened her mouth to him and kissed him back with all she had. He put one arm under her legs and the other across her back and picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom.

Tony carried her to the bed and then smiling down at her, threw her onto it and laughed as she bounced back up about a foot. He flung himself down next to her, making her bounce up again. He pulled her close to him and sniffed her. She smelled like her exotic shampoo and like a woman who had just been soundly fucked and also just like herself, like Ziva. It was his favorite smell in the whole wide world right now.

Ziva lay with her head on his shoulder as he sniffed her. He was certainly weird sometimes but all in all he was a good man. She laughed as he smelled her neck and she sniffed back at him. His own earthy Tony smell seemed intensified and she realized she was smelling him on her and it was their mingled scents that filled the space around them. It was intoxicating. She reached up and licked his lips, then kissed him again.

He sighed, turned on his back and then settled her down next to him, making sure he had a secure arm around her.

He looked at her. She was smiling up at him.

"This time, Ziva, we're snuggling for at least 30 minutes, do you understand me?"

"Yes, Tony. I understand."

She rubbed her hands along his chest, feeling the smooth skin of her handiwork and admiring the breadth of shoulders. He took her hand and kissed each fingertip and then held the hand to his heart. She snuggled in close, draping her thigh over his legs. She wondered if he were still thinking about the bet but didn't say anything. She just memorized the moments one by one.


	11. Chapter 11

This is the last chapter in what just started out to be a study in TIVA smut but became something a little different

This is the last chapter in what just started out to be a study in TIVA smut but became something a little different. It kept wanting to become a love story. I think I have tamed that part a little but it still grew into more relationship than smut for a good part of the time. The problem Ziva is suffering from is called cystitis or honeymoonitis because it often happens to women on their honeymoon when lovemaking seems almost constant. Ah…fond memories.

Thanks to all who reviewed and said they enjoyed it. It was a great ego boost and it is a pleasure to give others pleasure, as always.

I do not own NCIS or any part thereof…

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

Chapter 11

--Late Sunday Evening or Love Hurts--

Tony sat on the bed, back against the wall and legs spread out before him. He heard the shower running again and although he had the urge to get up and join her he just didn't have the strength. What was that old saying; "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak?" Well, weak described him to a "T."

He looked down at Little Tony laying small and weak between his legs in his new hairless nest. The poor little guy looked like he'd been in a war. There were raw-looking places on the shaft and the tip was red and swollen looking only not in a good way.

He had hickeys in places that wouldn't show and hickeys in places that would show. He was going to have to wear a turtleneck to work for a week. And he sure as hell couldn't change his shirts at his desk as he usually did. All it needed was for McGeek to see his newly shorn status and he would never live it down. Or Gibbs. He shuddered just thinking what Gibbs might do. And it had already itched! Ziva could be truly evil.

He had scratch marks on his back and they stung. But he loved them just the same. His jaw hurt from so much time south of the border. He had rug burns on his knees. He grinned. That had been something. A wrestling match had turned passionate. Of course it had; wrestling nude with Ziva could only lead to one thing. He'd made love to her doggy style on the floor of the bedroom. She apparently liked that position a lot. She orgasmed 3 or 4 times before poor Little Tony had finally managed to pull off a big finish. Then they'd both collapsed and tried to catch their breath. When they'd finally untangled and sat up side by side each had noticed the other's damaged knees and had burst out laughing at the same time. She had hugged and kissed him and then stood and helped him up.

She had helped him up! Maybe she was right? Maybe men just weren't cut out to go the distance? Nah, he couldn't believe that. He thought back over the past 36 hours or so; how many times had he popped the big one? He started counting off on his fingers…the bed, the bed, the bathroom, the couch, the coffee table, the shower, the bed again, up against the wall and damn that had been hard on his low back - how the hell had James Caan done it in THE GODFATHER? How many was that eight? He resumed counting; the bed, the bed, the dresser in the bedroom. He looked over at all the crap they'd knocked off the dresser. They had spilt, dropped, tossed, and just generally thrown everything movable in this hotel room onto the floor including almost a whole cart load of food. They were going to have to leave a big tip for the maid.

That reminded him he was hungry. He resolved he would suggest they go out and get something to eat. He needed a break to regain his strength but he wouldn't tell Ziva that. They'd eaten all the power bars and apples and drunk all the wine and now the fridge was empty except for a couple of water bottles. Good, hot sex sure worked up an appetite. He scratched at his lower belly. Damn, he was itching.

Ziva got slowly out of the tub. She ached all over. She looked at herself in the mirror. There were bruises on her hips and upper thighs and stomach. She knew there were bruises on her buttocks as well. There were love bites around her nipples and inner thighs. There was an enormous love bite on the right side of her neck. There wasn't enough makeup in the world to cover that. She'd have to wear high collars and let her hair down for a week at least.

She put both hands down to cup her groin. It felt so hot and swollen and not in a sexy way but in a painful way. And every time she peed it burnt. She wondered if using a condom would have helped that any? They never did use any of them. She thought she might give them all to Tony. Right now, she didn't care if she ever had sex again.

Her knees were raw from their last time on the floor. A wild ride that one. She hadn't thought she could have another orgasm but Tony had brought her 3, maybe 4 times. She couldn't even scream anymore. She just moaned a lot now. She moaned at the thought of moaning.

She reached for a towel and her thighs hurt and her shoulders hurt. Her jaw was sore. Her throat was sore. Tony was big. He had punished her mouth and throat unintentionally in his lust and she hadn't minded it then, in fact had reveled in it, but now she suffered.

She dried her hair and listened to her stomach growl. Maybe they should get something to eat. And maybe she should apologize to Tony because right now, if he said he wanted to have sex again, she just might kill him. If she could work up the energy that is.

She wrapped the towel around her body and opened the door and jerked back. Tony was standing there, right there, as she opened the door. He was lucky she was so tired and sore or he'd be on the floor in a death grip. He had that goofy, wild-eyed look he got when she threatened him that she loved although she'd never tell him.

He'd gone to the bathroom door just to ask her if she wanted to get something to eat and she'd opened it in his face. He'd seen the way her eyes had widened in surprise and he steeled himself to be at least gut-punched but she had only stepped back. She must be tired too. She had dark circles around her eyes and a huge hickey on her neck. Uh-oh.

"Hey," he said.

She looked at him inquiringly?

"So, I'm starving. You wanna get dressed and go get something to eat?"

She smiled. She looked tired and pale once again but when she smiled she was so beautiful. He blinked. She was beautiful. She was Ziva and she was his partner and she was so beautiful.

"I am starving too, Tony. I am all for that idea."

"Great!"

They both rummaged around and put on their "Monday" work clothes. Tony noticed that Ziva moved slowly and seemed to be grimacing in pain from time to time, especially as she pulled up her cargo pants and zipped them.

Ziva saw the scratch marks on Tony's back and bit her lips. She rarely got so involved in sex she let go enough to be fierce with her partner. Tony brought it out in her. She smiled. He was a fierce lover too and she had the bruises to prove it. She also noticed him scratching at his chest. She smiled a secret smile at that. He'd be scratching for days. It paid to think ahead.

Tony finished dressing and looked around for his wallet and cell phone. He didn't see them.

"Ziva, have you seen my phone and wallet? I thought they were here."

She thought for a moment as she reached behind her and fastened her bra. Tony watched. This particular maneuver had always fascinated him.

"I think they were actually on the bar the last time I saw them."

Tony smiled his thanks and resisting the urge to pop her bra strap walked into the living room area and looked behind the bar. She was right. There was his wallet and his phone - missing the battery. Crap. He got down on his hands and knees, which hurt like hell, and felt around for the battery. He found it and sat back, legs out straight. Damn, his knees hurt and it looked like they'd started oozing blood again from the stains now starting to appear. He pushed his battery back in and started the phone up. As soon as possible he checked the listing of calls.

"Ziva, we are so fucked!" he yelled and got up awkwardly, trying not to bend his knees.

"What?"

"The battery was out of my phone and it looks like McGee has been trying to call me for the past 30 minutes! Where's your phone?"

They couldn't find her little purse for a few minutes but when they did they found that McGee had tried her several times too. She had 4 messages on her phone and Tony had 6 on his.

Tony pressed his speed dial for Tim, all the time looking at Ziva. She looked as tired as he felt.

McGee answered on the second ring.

"Where the hell have you been, Tony? The boss is on a rampage because I couldn't get you or Ziva!"

"Sorry, McProbie, the battery had come out of my phone and…"

"I DON'T CARE, TONY. Get Ziva and haul your asses to Georgetown. We got a Marine down with an antique Florentine dagger in the middle of his head and …"

"Calm down. I'll get Ziva and we'll be there in 15. Send me the address."

He looked at Ziva and smiled. She smiled back and then turned to pack her bag. He kept smiling then realized it and shook his head. He was dithering. Ziva was already packing up her stuff. He went to do the same.

Because he had to check out, she left first and beat him to the crime scene by a few minutes. He saw her Mini-Cooper parked sideways on the sidewalk. Local LEOs were all over and Tony had to show his badge half a dozen times before he found Gibbs, McGee and Ziva. He noticed she now had wet-looking stains at the knees of her pants too. Damn, he was going to have to start taking bandages with him.

Gibbs wasn't talking to him or Ziva, giving all his orders through Tim. Tony sighed. It was going to be a long night.

--0630 Monday Morning or Love Hurts Even More the Second Day--

Ziva slowly lowered herself into her desk chair. Closing her eyes against the pain. She definitely had to call her gynecologist today. She would not be able to continue working like this much longer. She set her backpack carefully down on the floor and removed her gun and holster, storing them in her desk drawer. If she didn't move too fast she was basically okay.

Tony and McGee came in just a minute or two later. Tony slung his backpack into the corner of his cubicle and walked stiff-legged to his desk, sitting down nice and easy, scratching.

McGee looked at them both as he put his own backpack down. They both looked like crap. And weirdly they had both kept their jackets on with the collars turned up throughout the night at the scene even though it was pretty warm in the room where they'd found the dead guy. He thought he'd seen a bruise on the side of Ziva's neck when her hair had fallen away from her face but he wasn't sure.

He opened up his e-mail and sent them both the same message.

"So who won? Who gets the money?"

Ziva turned to look at Tony and then she looked at McGee.

She typed, "He does. End of story."

Tony propped his chin on his hand as he read McGee's e-mail.

He typed, "She did. And don't ask me again."

McGee sighed.  
Gibbs walked up just then, straight to McGee's desk.

"Well?" he said.

Tim took out his wallet and removed a fifty dollar bill and gave it to him.

Gibbs smiled his little smile and said "Remember this lesson, McGee. It'll come in handy when you get married someday a time or two."

Gibbs turned and looked hard at DiNozzo and then hard at David. Both of them looked like they'd been rode hard and put up wet. He smiled again. Probably a pretty good approximation of what had actually occurred.

"DiNozzo, David, with me," he barked.

He led them to his elevator office, noticing both of them walking slowly and carefully. He had a grin on his face until he turned around to face them.

Gibbs pushed a button and then pressed the emergency stop after only a few seconds.

"I don't care what you were doing but you'd better have your damned cell phones on at all times. Do I make myself clear?"

They both nodded.

"Yes, Gibbs," Ziva said in a small voice.

"Right, boss, I know that. It's just that the battery came ou…"

Gibbs slapped Tony on the head.

"Shut up, DiNozzo."

"Shutting up, Boss."

Neither one of them would look him in the eyes. He reached over to Ziva and pushed her hair back from her face and bent her collar down. She had an enormous hickey on the right side of her neck and what looked like another down where he could see her collarbone through the open neck of her shirt. He let her hair fall back. He noticed her lips looked bruised and swollen.

He turned to Tony and reached out and pushed his collar down. His senior field agent had several little hickeys ringing his neck and his lips looked swollen as well. He looked at the knees of Tony's pants which were dark and wet looking. He looked over at Ziva's knees and they had the same kind of stains. He shook his head.

"I do not care if you screw each other senseless but you will keep your phones on and you will be available, do you read me?"

Tony looked at Ziva to find her looking at him. He widened his eyes at her to indicate he too wanted to kill McGee.  
Ziva felt her face turn hot and flushed. Having sex with Tony was one thing, but having sex with Tony and having Gibbs know about it was quite something different. She looked at Tony.

While they were looking at each other something happened. Tony felt happy. Really happy. Even though he was getting a reaming out by his boss he still felt happy. And it kinda seemed like he was happy because Ziva was there. He smiled at her.

Ziva saw Tony smile at her and even though she knew she shouldn't, knew Gibbs would notice she smiled back. He always made her smile.

Oh shit, thought Gibbs. Guess it's time to enforce rule 12.

He head slapped them both to get their attention and then started his lecture.

When he was finished with them he let them leave the elevator. He went on down to Autopsy to see if Ducky had anything yet on the marine with the dagger in his head.

Tony and Ziva both walked slowly to their desks, Tony glaring at McGee all the way. When he sat down he tried to scratch around his groin area without being too obvious.

Tim cleared his throat nervously.

"It wasn't my fault, Tony. He made me tell him and I lost fifty bucks because I bet on you! And I bet he's gone down to collect from Ducky and Abby, too. They both bet on Ziva."

Ziva opened her mouth and then closed it. Everyone knew of the stupid wager?! She was going to kill McGee. She pointed her finger at him and promised him a slow and painful death with her eyes and he looked scared, kind of cowering behind his computer screen. Then she thought better of it. Maybe she'd kill him later. Right now she was just too tired.

"Ducky bet on Ziva?" Tony said unbelievingly. How could he bet on Ziva? What a traitor to men everywhere. Wait a minute.

"Well, who did Gibbs bet on?"

"He said it would be a tie."

Ziva looked at Tony and he looked at her then he typed.

"Trust Gibbs to know everything beforehand."

"Yes. It is scary isn't it?" she typed back.

"A little but it just shows how well he knows us both."

Ziva smiled and nodded.

Then she typed, "Thank you Tony. Even though I can barely walk and I have been humiliated in front of my friends I thank you for a wonderful, wonderful weekend."

Tony smiled when he read his screen.

"Me too, Ziva. Even though I am itching like I got fleas and Little Tony may never full recover, it was a weekend to remember in so many ways."

"Partners?" Ziva wrote back.

"Partners!" Tony

They both looked up and smiled at each other again.

Gibbs watched them from the stairway and muttered "crap" under his breath as he walked on down the stairs.

"Quit sitting around. You got nothing to do I can give you something to do. And DiNozzo, stop that scratching!"


End file.
